It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
