I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
