call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize