i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
