Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
