woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
