ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
