i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
