Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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