im drinking this country out of the recession.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
