White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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