My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
