he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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