I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
