Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
