Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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