Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You did what with his pubic hair?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
The ass gains better be worth it
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