I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
