In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
