We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
