his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
