I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
MIDGETS
????
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
