Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
