I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
