The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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