if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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