Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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