You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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