I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
