So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
