Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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