were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
