absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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