Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
