if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
