some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
