had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
