Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize