break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
