the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
