im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
