2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
