just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
