the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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