i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
