It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
