Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
