how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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