According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
