i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
