my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
