i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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