She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
