I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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