I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
