Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
