I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
