I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my sisters under your porch take her home
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
