we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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