11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
