It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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