I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
