Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
