So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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