i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
