Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
