Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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