Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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