I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
