I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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