he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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