You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
