No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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