This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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