Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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