did you get engaged???
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
