found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
