all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
