I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
